I was watching a rerun of Spanglish this afternoon. It's an incredible movie with an incredible story about motherhood. I highly recommend it (the edited tv version, of course).
I was wondering, at the end of it, which of the two mothers I best reflect. One would hope that I was Flor, the woman who would and does give everything she has, and will be. I can comfortably state that I have given my children my all. I could be Flor.
But the thought niggles at the back of my head that I might be more like Deb - the desperate character who blindly gives only what she wants and takes more than she knows from everyone around her. Deb isn't stupid or blind, she's just so self absorbed that she acts that way. She would do anything imaginable to be wonderful. Unfortunately, she's not very imaginative - or more correctly, her thoughts are so self absorbed that her sacrifices are shallow and empty.
I've had my moments of sterling motherhood. I'm pretty sure that my children could tick them off point for point, because such a big deal has been made out of them. I see little snapshots in my head....protecting my broken child like a momma bear, standing at a doorway about to enter hell itself, being wheeled into a surgery in order to get my hearts desire, I've done it, and I'd do it again. But those moments don't, in truth, make me a great mother and I grow weary of the facade of dedication those moments have become.
I'm a bold woman and I love my children. Doing any and everything I can for them is a natural reaction. But I know now that the greatest moments of motherhood are the times when we step back and let our hatchlings fly. I do them more favors when I remember that.
My kids are so talented, funny, intelligent, beautiful and good. They really are and I'll match them pound for pound with anyone elses' children. I simply could not love them more.
Its going to be so much more important for them to recognize the amazing creatures they are rather than to falsely attribute their talents (or faults for that matter) to me.
A mother can stretch her wings and glide
shielding the young that are by her side
Or she can drop back so she can see
her children as they are meant to be